Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

Trevor’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, anger boiled up inside him the second Amanda started pitying him and he shrugged her hand off his shoulder. He lifted himself off the steps, pulling Amanda’s arm to bring her up with him. “Stop that. This isn’t about me, I’m not looking for a motivational pep talk, Amanda. I don’t want you to fucking feel sorry for me, okay?” He shook his head in disbelief, “This is about you. How the fuck is it alright for me to do these things and come out unaffected while you hurt? How is that-” He cut himself off, shutting his eyes and letting out a sigh. It was as if Trevor was simply looking for reasons to fight and if the ache in his heart and the pounding in his head weren’t enough of an indication, he had had enough of this. “Are we done here?” He asked finally, opening his eyes again to assess Amanda’s reaction.

Amanda crossed her arms, “Sorry, I didn’t know that you wanted me to keep yelling at you. I’ll remember that next time.” Her voice was less shaky than she thought it’d be, and her jaw tightened. “Cause I forgave you. People screw up, and yeah, I’m still pissed, but I don’t need to try to make you feel like shit.” She looked away from him. Was she done? No. If anything, she was more upset than she’d been before, and she was everything but done. But she was also stubborn and pissed, and despite what she had said, a little part of her couldn’t help but want to be able to hurt him too. “Yeah, we are.” Her voice was cold, and she turned around to walk back into her house, the door swinging shut behind her.



Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

Trevor could feel her gaze on him, but he brushed it off and continued playing with the grass. Why did he keep it from her? It’s not like she would’ve gotten mad, Trevor was almost certain Amanda would understand that it was just a night out with his friend. He let his gaze lead him to Amanda’s face as she found interest in the ground. The sunlight bounced off her features perfectly and Trevor couldn’t help but stare. Her signature bright hair, her freckles, her soft lips, Trevor let the perfect image settle in his mind before taking the rest of what pieces of grass were left in his hand and sprinkling them on top of Amanda’s head, just to annoy her. “I don’t know.” That was another lie. The more Trevor stared at Amanda, the more he realized what he was doing, but was too afraid to admit it. He was pushing her away, for both his and her own good. He didn’t want to hurt or be hurt. “I think I’m trying to push you away.” he mumbled, unsure whether he wanted her to hear it or not, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry.” his voice was more harsh, but his eyes betrayed the tone. “I love you. Too much. And I told you this was going to happen, I warned you that I wasn’t good enough, that you’d get hurt.” Shoulders slumped forward and a defeated sigh came out of Trevor’s mouth, his head now in his hands.

Amanda gave a start and looked up quickly, the sudden motion causing a few pieces of grass to sprinkle off the top of her head. “Hey!” A small smile forced itself onto her lips and she shook her hair, pieces of grass raining down onto the steps beside her. One second, they’d be fighting, and the next, he’d be making her stomach jump. Her smile faded quickly at the change in his voice, “I – Oh.” It wasn’t what she’d been expecting, but Amanda couldn’t say that she was completely surprised. He’d told her himself that he didn’t do relationships before this, and while things had ended up turning out well, she knew that even he couldn’t change so quickly. But it didn’t hurt any less learning that her boyfriend and best friend was trying to push himself away from her. “Don’t… Don’t say that.” She put her hand on his shoulder, “How many times do I have to say this? You are enough. You’re more than enough, and you’re always going to be. I- I love you too, okay? And I couldn’t ask for anything else. I don’t want anything else.” 



Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

"What the fuck?!" Trevor’s heart sank when he heard Amanda’s words. This was it. It was over. His raised his voice in order to shout over her, “You can’t fucking start this, don’t even fucking try!" His eyes were glazed over, but he was trying to ignore that minor detail. “I didn’t lie, I told you I didn’t cheat on you, and I didn’t. How is that fucking lying?!" Trevor let out a frustrated groan and ran his fingers through his hair as he listened to his girlfriend’s voice. He was pretty convinced that he was already scared before, but none of that came close to what he felt after hearing Amanda doubt their relationship. Taking a deep breath, Trevor held eye contact a little longer than necessary before speaking up again, his voice much softer now. “That’s not what I meant." He shook his head lightly, swallowing the lump on his throat. “I said ‘if that were the case’, as in, if I were to cheat on you, I wouldn’t have wasted my time." He closed his eyes for a second, silently hoping she understood him. “You know I didn’t consider our relationship a waste of time. Never will.” The once harsh voice was now quiet, almost sad. All the guilt, the hurt in Amanda’s eyes and voice, Trevor couldn’t handle it, he took the mere three steps necessary to reach the front door and opened it. He left the door open, but walked out and sat on the steps outside Amanda’s house. A few moments passed and he waited, letting his eyes focus on nothing in particular far out in the distance, he knew Amanda wouldn’t let the argument end there, but he was going to take advantage of the time away from the hurt in her voice as best he could. Trevor was unnaware as to whether Amanda had followed him out or not, but he figured he’d speak up anyways. In case she did. “I didn’t cheat on you, how many times do I have to say it.” He picked at an unnaturally long piece of grass next to him and ripped it in half before tossing it aside.

“You told me you were buying groceries for your mom. I’m pretty fucking positive that watching a movie with your friend isn’t grocery shopping.” Amanda’s voice was sharper than she’d intended, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She felt suddenly deflated when he spoke again, tearing her eyes from him and focusing on the pictures hanging on the wall instead. Her heart plumetted at his tone, and her head jerked up to watch him as he walked out. Letting out a breath of relief when she realized that he hadn’t actually left the house, she pressed her face against her hands, breathing in and out slowly until her mind finally cleared. While the anger she’d felt earlier was long gone, an uneasy feeling still settled in her stomach.

Following him out a few moments later, the door closed quietly behind her and she ignored the slight wave of panic that hit her as she took a seat beside him. “I- I know. That you didn’t cheat on me, I mean. I knew you wouldn’t, but I just… started overthinking, I guess.” She fell silent for a few seconds, turning to look at him, “But why didn’t you just tell me? Why’d you say you were buying groceries for your mom?” The words felt foreign on her tongue, and she turned away from him to inspect the ground, her eyebrows creasing. 



Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

"That’s not the point!" It was hard to believe, but he had to stop himself from stomping his feet down against the wooden floor like a four year old begging his parent for candy. Trevor could punch through his friends’ cheating boyfriends and scare away freshmen with a simple sneer, yet here he was, standing in front of his best friend and girlfriend, on the verge of making a fool out of himself in order to win an argument he knew he was going to lose. “I don’t care if you’re on my side now, you still didn’t fucking believe me." Amanda’s voice rang in his ears, the obvious hurt hitting him right where it hurt. For that split second, Trevor’s walls went down. He didn’t want this anymore, he didn’t want to yell at her or see her tearing herself up about his shitty actions. He just wanted to walk over to her and hold her, protect her from anything that dared cause that intonation in her voice ever again. When the realization hit him that he was the one doing this to her, he couldn’t handle the guilt. Trevor turned his back to Amanda suddenly, taking a second to re-build the walls and get back in to character. “I- God, just because I fucked up my last relationship doesn’t mean I’m about to ditch you for the next hot blonde piece of ass I meet, if that was the case, I wouldn’t have wasted my time with us. It was a harmless get-together with a friend who was in town visiting, I don’t want to be in a relationship where you’ll act like…fucking…this, and accuse me of cheating on you, when I was jsut going out with a friend." Trevor finally turned to meet Amanda’s eyes once he was finished and his words kicked in. Without even realizing it until now, Trevor had just admitted to being out with his friend, just as Charlie had seen, and a small voice inside his head was yelling at him to run out of the house right then and there before he’d have to endure Amanda’s reaction.

“Yeah, well, what do you want me to do about that now? I’ve done all I can, and if that’s still not enough for you, that’s too bad for you.” Amanda retorted. Her face fell slightly when he turned away from her and she shut her eyes tightly for a moment, opening them quickly when he began speaking again. She chewed on her bottom lip as she listened, and she felt her heart begin pounding in her chest and her cheeks redden when she began understanding what he was saying. Still, she had to run the words in her mind a few times before she could wrap her mind around his words. “What?” She asked abruptly, her voice sharp and laced with disbelief. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? You’re not - You’re not allowed to make me feel like shit about not trusting you, and then tell me that you’ve been lying to me the entire fucking time. You think I don’t trust you? How the fuck am I even supposed to, now? I’ve given you ten hundred chances to fucking own up to the shit, and you never took any of them. You’re not fucking allowed to do this.” Amanda paused, “Do you know what the worst part of this was? I’ve been beating myself up about not believing you. I made myself believe you. I picked your fucking lie over what my brother told me. I reread those texts again and again, thinking ‘Why the fuck didn’t you give him a chance, Amanda?And now it turns out that I shouldn’t have.” Tears stung at the back of her eyes, but she blinked them away quickly and met Trevor’s gaze. She was angry. She was angry, she was confused, she was upset - but most of all, she just felt numb. She couldn’t begin to recognize the words tumbling out of her mouth, and the part of her that still seemed capable of thinking told her that she didn’t want to. “Do you really think this,” Amanda motioned between them, “was a waste of time? Cause if you really think so, then… I don’t know. I don’t know what you were expecting out of this, but this obviously isn’t what you were hoping for.” Her voice shook and she swallowed hard.



Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

Trevor barely registered Amanda’s greeting before he was already going off. “What the fuck is this?!” he said, bringing the cellphone in to her field of view. His voice was a bit more forceful than he had intended, but in the heat of the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. “You didn’t want this to turn out like this? What is that even referring to, please, tell me!” His voice cracked, causing him to slightly lose track of his thoughts from surprise. He knew he was scared of where this was going, but he didn’t know he was that scared. With a quiet huff, Trevor broke eye contact and paced inside the McMuller residence. “I don’t get it, Amanda, I don’t.” he raised his hands and then dropped them just as quickly in exasperation. “I told you I didn’t cheat on you, and you keep questioning me and subtly making me feel like shit over something I didn’t fucking do.” Perhaps he was over reacting, actually, he knew he was over reacting. If anything, the message Amanda left on his phone should’ve come off as a sort of apology or peace offering to at least hear him out. But Trevor let it get the best of him, it hit him right where it hurt and he had to do everything in his power to make sure she didn’t see that. “You obviously don’t trust me like that, so why did we even do this in the first place?” he motioned to the space between the two of them to represent their relationship, urging her to explain, curse him out, argue. Anything.

Amanda didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but this certainly wasn’t it. She flinched back when he began talking, stepping aside to let him in. “What the fuck do you think it meant? I meant this, I didn’t want to fight with you.” She took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, struggling to keep her gaze on him, “I know, Trevor. I said sorry, didn’t I? What else am I supposed to do now? Oh, don’t fucking start that shit with me,” Her voice was hard and she felt almost lightheaded as she watched Trevor pace back and forth. “You know I trust you, so don’t even start that. And that’s not fair, it was my brother! Was I just supposed to not believe him just because it was you? And in the end, I did end up believing you, didn’t I? I believed you, not him.” The hurt was evident in her voice, and no matter how she tried to cover it up, it was still there.

What his last statement had implied scared Amanda, and the corners of her lips tugged downwards at the thought. “I’ve said sorry. I’ve told you that I do believe you. So unless you’re trying to make me feel worse about all of this, I don’t know why you’re here.” She cringed as soon as the words left her mouth, she kept her gaze steady nevertheless.



Lies | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

The quiet sound spoke volumes as Trevor snapped his phone shut to the sound of his girlfriend’s voice reassuring herself that he wouldn’t lie to her. He shut his eyes and everything was still for a moment -aside from the echo of his heart thudding against his chest, but he was trying to ignore that. Finally, Trevor brought the small device back to his ear and pressed the button his finger was previously hovering over. As the message dragged on, all he could focus on was the sound of her voice. Gentle, yet weary and untrusting. The corners of his lips fell and he struggled to breathe properly, thinking to himself if allowing himself to listen to her like this could be considered some form of self-torture. By now the voicemail was long over, replaced by an automated voice asking him time and time again if he’d like to delete or listen to the message once more. A small scowl dominated his lips and he shoved his phone in to his pocket, he had no right, that was the worst part. No right to accuse her of not trusting him, no right to get mad at her for the accusations, and definitely no right to act like it was her fault, Because all in all, he was the liar, he was the one who went behind her back, and he honestly deserved everything that hit him because of it. But he was Trevor McLain, and no matter how many times he told himself he was in the wrong, his innate thick-headed stubbornness would always find a way to turn a blind eye and overpower what he knew was right.

Those same morals were what directed Trevor’s legs to Amanda’s house. Once there, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and banged his fist against the door repeatedly. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were guarded, just waiting for the second Amanda would open the door so they could talk about this in person.

Curled up on a couch in the living room in front of the television, Amanda let out a soft sigh as she flipped through channels, barely bothering to pause before moving on to the next. Finally giving up a moment later, she shut it off and let her head fall back into the cushion, her eyes sliding shut as the screen faded to black. Which ended up being a bad idea, as without the gentle chatter from the TV, no longer was there anything to distract Amanda from thinking about Trevor. She’d sent the voicemail to him earlier that day, and she hadn’t been able to look at her phone since then. While the things she had said in her message were true, they couldn’t cancel out the fact that she hadn’t done the things she said she should’ve done. Not trusting him, however, would only mean that it was all true - that he had gone behind her back and lied to her - and Amanda couldn’t bring herself to believe that. But everytime she managed to lessen the feeling that had settled in the pit of her stomach, Charlie’s words came back to her and the feeling pressed down on her all over again. Which left her stuck hobbling somewhere in between trusting and not with entirely too much ice cream in her stomach to think straight.

Jumping at the sudden, harsh knocks at the door, her head snapped up. She waited for a bit for someone to get the door, but after remembering that her parents had gone out somewhere with Summer and not even God could know where Charlie was, Amanda let out a small groan and picked herself up from the couch before making her way to the door. She pulled the door open, and her greeting caught in her throat when she saw Trevor. “Hi.” She managed to say, tensing when she saw his expression.



Wonderland | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

As soon as Amanda pulled away, Trevor rolled his eyes. A smirk played at his lips, he knew she was going to do something of the sorts and yet he still managed to fall for it. It was little things like this, how comfortable he was around Amanda, or how joking around put the biggest grin on her face, that Trevor grew to love and look forward to whenever they planned to meet up or hang out. “Fine then, fuck it!” Trevor sat up and shrugged at her, playing it off as if he didn’t care in the slightest. His eyes, however, betrayed him as they darted from Amanda’s eyes to her lips a few times before he looked away and found something to distract himself with. “Hey,” Trevor said, his hand reaching beside him for what his eyes had landed on. The blonde picked up a small stuffed bear that had been resting against the pillows on his best friend’s bed and brought it to his lap, the soft material of the stuffed animal meeting his rough skin and bringing a tiny smile to his face as he imagined a younger version of the girl in front of him taking good care of the toy. Trevor cleared his throat and looked back up at Amanda, then finished his sentence, “how do you feel about prom?” His eyebrows scrunched together with the question. “I don’t care much for it, but if you want to go, I want to be the one to take you.” He spoke clearly and carefully, hoping for two things. First, that no one else had beat him to asking Amanda, and second, that this question wasn’t something that defined the seriousness or pace of their relationship, if he could even call it that.

Amanda’s smirk softened into a smile when Trevor picked up the stuffed animal, “Hm?” She brought her legs up, crossing them into a pretzel and before turning to face him, her hands in her lap. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but it certainly hadn’t been prom. Her eyes widened and her heartbeat suddenly felt ten times louder than it’d been by the end of his question. “Are you asking me to prom?” The smile that had formed on her face fell suddenly, and her voice turned serious, “I’d say yes, but someone else already asked and I mean, I kindof said yes already…” Amanda let her sentence trail off with a sigh, “I’m sorry, Trevy.” She shrugged before the smile forced its way back to her lips, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Yeah.” She said quickly with a laugh, “Yeah. Yes, I’d like that. I mean, okay.” She took a deep breath, sorting her through her thoughts before she answered again, “I’d love to go to prom with you.” Letting herself act on impulse, her hand reached for his and she took it before leaning in and pressing her lips against his slowly. Sure, their relationship had become undefined and perhaps a bit confusing, but as long as she had Trevor, she found she was okay with it. Maybe it was best to let the chips fall where they may. 



a letter to john

frankensteins-assistant:

Read More

Read More



Wonderland | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

“Honestly?” Trevor raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes holding the  before continuing his argument, “I’m not so sure I want it to be just hooking up either.” His mouth was dry now just at the thought and he swallowed the tiny lump threatening its way to the back of his throat. The deep moment quickly vanished with Amanda’s playful remark and Trevor couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Oh, really?” the smile grew in to a mischievous stare as the blonde pushed himself back to a sitting position. He wasn’t going to let her get away with that and she knew it, such thoughts served as his motive when Trevor took a hold of her wrists playfully and pulled her towards him, “I’m not sure how I feel about that.” He made sure to bring her close enough for him to lean by her ear before whispering his next few words. “Am I going to have to change your mind?”

This was all the prime reason for Trevor’s confusion, no way in hell was he complaining, but the pair pretty much acted like a couple, best friends, and friends with benefits all at the same time. Maybe she was right, they should just let things fall in place, that’d sure be easier on him and there’s even the possibility of them becoming more than what they were now, which was definitely something Trevor was thankful for.

The moment was broken and Amanda let out a breath of air she didn’t know she’d been holding. Stifling a laugh, she grinned as he pulled her towards him. “Change my mind?” She asked, “Well, I have an idea for how you could do that.” She remembered the promise she’d made him just before, and an idea popped into her head. Her fingers found their way to the collar of his shirt and she fingered it as her eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips. “If you’re up for it, I mean,” she said thoughtfully, “I’ve heard that I’m pretty stubborn.” She leaned in slowly until her lips hovered over his, her voice decreasing to barely over a whisper by the end of the sentence.

Pulling away abruptly, her lips tilted into a cheeky grin, “Or maybe not.” She said nonchalantly, shrugging as she resumed her previous position. While lately their relationship had blurred and turned more confusing than Amanda would like, one thing she knew she’d always be able to count on was Trevor himself. And knowing him, it wasn’t soon before she’d be regretting what she had just done.



Wonderland | Trevor & Amanda

trevor-mcsteamy:

Trevor raised an eyebrow at the girl, processing what she had just told him. “Wait, so, what are you saying?” Amanda and John had been friends with benefits and at the moment that term seemed like the easiest definition to her relationship with Trevor, but there she was saying that wasn’t what she wanted with him. Trevor’s face fell slightly, he’d never admit it, but he did like Amanda enough to date her. Granted, he probably wouldn’t because his hormones would screw something up and end up hurting her, but the idea definitely crossed his mind a few times. “I like this, what we’ve been doing. I know it’s not much, and trust me I wouldn’t complain if you wanted to go all the way and shit, but if you’re saying you don’t want feelings to get involved then maybe we should stop.” Amanda’s bed suddenly felt much more comfortable, practically begging him to just lay down and deal with their situation another time, but Trevor pushed away the feeling and brought himself back to the conversation.

“Look, I just don’t want this to get messy. I mean, I know that crap happened when you did this with John and it’s not your fault, it just tends to happen with girls. But you know me, you know I’m not looking for a serious commitment any time soon.” he said with a shrug, “I’ll definitely go with it if you just want to hook up or whatever, but you’re like my best friend, it’s not worth you getting hurt over.” Trevor lowered his torso towards the bed and leaned his head on his elbow while still looking up at Amanda. “It’s your call.”

Amanda filled her cheeks with air before releasing it slowly, thinking carefully before she spoke again. “I don’t know what I want. I mean, I’m happy with whatever we’re doing, whatever we are right now.” And she was. Partially, at least. She knew he wasn’t the relationship type, and frankly, she wasn’t quite sure that she was, either. Relationships were tricky, and more often than not, they left at least one person hurt or with the power to hurt the other. They were confusing, and they required more time and patience she didn’t think she’d be able to give. Hook-ups were easier. They made sense to Amanda, but after John and now possibly Trevor, she wasn’t entirely sure about them anymore either.

She looked down at him, crossing her ankles and fingers playing with the ends of her hair as he spoke. What he said wasn’t exactly news for her, but it didn’t explain why she felt a twinge of disappointment when he reminded her that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. “But if we hook up and shit, would it just be that? Because I don’t know if I’d want it to be just hooking up.” Amanda said unsurely, “Or we could just let things fall into place by themselves and just, go along with it, wherever it takes us. I mean, who knows? Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and I’ll realize how liking you was a mistake cause you’re Trevor McLain and you’re yucky.” She cracked a grin.


CREDIT